Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
