Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
