She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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