Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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