dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
