Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
