how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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