from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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