He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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