bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
