dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize