Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
