doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize