she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize