Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
