If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
