people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize