well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
