I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
