Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
