We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Welp...herpes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Text me some of your sweat
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