operation harelip BJ is a go
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
