Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I love you. Go after that dick
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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