I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
