That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
