Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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