I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
