my phone needs a breathalizer
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
