Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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