before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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