I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
