glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
