you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
