he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
