Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
