I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She bit a glass in half.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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