i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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