my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
