just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
