I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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