My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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