so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it because I queefed?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
