my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
