I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
