Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
