I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
