This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
