i just wanna soil my oats bro
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am available for nakedness
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
