I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
