There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
