he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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