I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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