boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize