I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
