mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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