call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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