I hate all girls vehemently.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
