Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
