Me too!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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