You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
