He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
