So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
where am i from again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
