Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize