no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize