and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
