So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
