? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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