My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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