the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
