Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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