You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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