Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
there is puke in my bra ... again
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