I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
