he puts the penis in happiness.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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