Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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