you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
is that a dick in a sweater?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
