I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I believe in your delicious
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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