and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
God I need to hump something, right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
