I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
