I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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